A “Weighty” Issue

On the radio, not too long ago, it was mentioned that a survey was done of women and nearly 80% said they would give up one (1) year of their lives if it meant they could have and keep an ideal body weight/image for the rest of their lives without having to work at it. Ten (10) percent said they would give up two (2) to five (5) years for the ideal body weight and an additional two (2) percent  said they would give up UP to TEN (10) years of their lives to maintain a ideal body weight/image.  The rest was undecided or didn’t respond.

So this got me thinking, and…well…you know how dangerous that can be.

If giving up  one (1) year of my life could get me to my idea of an ideal body weight/image for myself and possibly allow me an additional ten (10) years of life because I have a weight that is healthy for me; I would do it.  Might seem a little steep to give up a whole year of my life just to be “skinny” but if the weight I am at now is dangerous for my health (which I believe AND know that it is) and being at this unhealthy weight could put me at risk for death five (5) to ten (10) years sooner than I should die; then losing that one (1) year so I could have that additional four (4) to nine (9) years might just be worth it, especially since that is time I could spend with my family.

I never had a problem with my weight when I was younger.  I didn’t have to work hard at losing weight and I could eat anything I wanted to.  I had my oldest young and took the weight off in no time, even took the weight off pretty easily after my second child.  Was a little harder after the third child but I was also older and not as active.  My weight has fluctuated throughout the years from 124 pounds up to 215 pounds. Not something I am proud of but it is something that I struggle with now.  Having depression hasn’t helped and being on some of the medications I take hasn’t either as their side effects include weight gain and/or bloating.  I don’t want to be super skinny I just want to be at a healthy weight and maintain that weight.

So you tell me, would you be willing to give up any amount of time of your life to have and maintain an ideal body weight/image for the rest of your life; one that you don’t have to work out to maintain?

Fear…

I haven’t written in a while out of fear.  Fear of my own feelings, of my own words…and fear of those words hurting someone else.  I was once told that your blog is just that, yours.  Write how you feel, what you feel, how you think; so on and so forth.  I have read other blogs that have out right just been classified as nothing other then rude about a topic, person, thing, idea….well you understand.  And it just seemed to me it was accepted.  Like, “Oh, well ‘so & so’ is just like that” so it is expected.  I don’t want to feel afraid to write the words on my page out of fear.

While in therapy one of our topics was fear.  We were supposed to come up with 10 things we had a fear of.  Most people in the group picked things like spiders, heights and the normal phobias.  One other girl and myself were the only ones in the group that wrote things like losing someone we love and ourselves.  That was one of the hardest group topics we had, realizing that you have internal fears and bringing them externally to be examined is not an easy thing.  Especially when one of those fears is your own self.

The therapist that day put this on the board:

Feeling

Emotions

&

Accepting

Responsibility

Fear is just that, it is feeling an emotion or emotions and then having to accept the responsibility of those emotions and the consequences or outcome of those emotions.

My fear of writing comes from a post I made that hurt people I care about.  People who were close to me.  I fear that my writing may do that again.  So I realize in this that the emotion I am feeling is guilt for hurting other people, as well as a little anger towards myself for doing so.  It has taken me sometime but I believe that I can write my feelings, my thoughts on my blog and not have to have the fear.  I just need to take the time to watch my words, not write based solely on emotion.

So here I go again, I  miss writing.  I have quite a few things written up in drafts that I would like to be able to post but have had a fear of doing so.  I am fighting past that now.  I hope in the process I don’t hurt anyone else.