On March 8, 2013; just 14 months after being diagnosed, my cousin, Brittany Joan Stephens-Kinney lost her fight to cancer. Although her life was only 24 short years, she lived it to the fullest. Brittany was a very vivacious, kind hearted, full spirited woman and she gave cancer a good hard run for its money. She lives on through her son, Gabe, who has the same vivacious, kind hearted full spirit.
We miss you and love you, Britt! You will forever be in our hearts.
RIP sweet angel
(*The first few seconds is not Alex, he starts at 0:09*)
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”
(Note the mustache, he was digging the mustache!)
Post-op appointment was today. Got good news, pathology came back all upper level margins are clean. This means that the amount of tissue taken from the cervix was enough to remove all of the external cells that were showing cancerous have been removed and there are currently no precancerous cells in the readings either.
Now back to regular checks. Pap smears will be done every three months with the first one at the visit and the next one in January and then again in March. Once there are three normal readings over every three months, then we go to every six months. Once there are three normal readings over every six months, then I can return to yearly checks. If there are any abnormal readings at all, the next step will be partial or full hysterectomy.
So now, I just hope and pray that everything stays clean and normal. I can’t begin to tell you how relieved am I that these are the results I received. All I can say now is please, please; PLEASE keep up with your check-ups and pap smears. It is important.
…this is why I had surgery.
Surgery was scheduled for 9:30 am (EST) Thursday August 23; and it seems so easy. I am told it is pretty routine and common. Common makes it sound so ordinary. And after talking to some people, it is just that, ordinary. I don’t know if knowing that makes me feel any less apprehensive about it all.
I have had surgery before, so I don’t know what the big deal is this time. Maybe it is the amount of time I have had to think about it all. Maybe it is that the other surgeries I had weren’t exactly planned.
When I broke my arm, I knew surgery was needed but the way that the whole event happened it wasn’t exactly scheduled surgery.
My daughter was c-section but that wasn’t exactly planned either. I walked into the doctor’s office on Wednesday April 12, 2006 at 9:15 am to a OB who said, “ready to have this baby? Alright, lets do this then.” And I was in the hospital at 6:00 pm that evening.
My gallbladder surgery was an emergency as well, so no planning there.
This however has been scheduled for over two weeks. Two weeks of pondering. Worrying. Wondering. Googling (which by the way if you have a major medical thing going on Do. Not. Google. It!)
I had my first pap smear in six years (yes you read that right, six years) on June 27. I received the letter that the pap smear had come back abnormal while I was on vacation over July 4th week. I called the doctor as soon as I got back and she scheduled a coloscopy for July 16 and which time a biopsy was decided to be done. There was supposed to be three biopsies done, five were done in total as well as an internal scraping.
Two very agonizing weeks later on July 30, I got the results of the biopsies: the results read: High-grade Squamous Intraepithelial Lesion (HSIL), Cervical Intraepithelial Neoplasia Moderate to Severe (CIN2/3), or in terms I could understand external cells show cancerous and internal cells show pre-cancerous. The next step was to do a cone biopsy which was scheduled for Thursday August 23.
Yesterday was the surgery, and although I am in pain; the doctor said she got a clean cut and that we will have the results of this biopsy with in a week time. There is still more waiting but I feel good about it all. I trust my doctor and she seems to think that this procedure has taken care of all of it.
I will update once I have the results back. Until then, lets hope and pray for the best.
The lyrics of this song speak volumes to me. To me this song says how when we are little we have big hopes and dreams, and expect a lot; but as we grow we realize that some of those things aren’t going to happen however we must continue to dream. And that no matter how bad it seems, we have to make the best of what we have, we have to make it our paradise.
Six pounds……..
Doesn’t seem like much but that is how much I have lost in 2 weeks time. In some ways I feel like it is so little of an amount and in other ways it seems like quite a bit in such a short time.
So let’s think about this….what is six pounds?
Well I found a picture on Google of six pounds of fat, and it looks like this:
Gross huh?
What else is six pounds (approximately)?
A brick
A gallon of milk
All of the skin on your body
A Chihuahua
Five loaves of bread
24 Quarter Pounders from McDonalds
A baby deer
Both of a woman’s size C-cup breast
A Yorkie
A lap top computer
Well, when you put it that way, six pounds does seem like a lot……
Has something ever scared you so bad that even with all the fear and knowledge that you have to overcome that moment you still are in a sense of shock?
Has something ever been so clear and obvious to you that you knew it was the truth even with out being told but still were overwhelmed when that one thing was brought straight forward to your attention?
Has something ever been so “in your face” that even though there was no denying it, you still did?
I am guilty of all of the above. I knew my weight was an issue. I knew my weight was unhealthy. I knew it was there, hell it is all of me. Yet even with me saying I knew these things, and knew changes needed to be made; I denied it to myself when it came down to actually doing something.
Sure, I changed the way I was eating….sort of. Sure, I was going to the gym….sort of. Sure, I was walking the dog, having “dance parties” in the living room with my kids, walking during work, dancing in the car…sort of.
It all tumbled down and smacked me in the face when I was going through paperwork from when I was in the hospital in February for dizziness and passing out. I went through every test imaginable, saw every type of doctor I think they could send my way, spent five days in the hospital, final diagnosis: Meniere’s disease (which runs in my family). Not so bad, it is manageable and treatable. Not one single time did anyone say to me the words “blood sugar” or “diabetes”. Not one single time was it an issue at all. Neuro or Cardio perhaps, but all of those tests came back “normal”, “negative”, “with in range”.
Now as stupid as this may sound, it never dawned on me to look at the papers they gave me from the hospital at the time of check out. I did my due diligence, called my primary physician to tell them I had been in the hospital. Spoke to him and he stated since the paperwork they received mentioned the possibility of the Meniere’s disease, he didn’t need to see me and to proceed to an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist since Meniere’s is an inner ear thing. Never once did he say to me “blood sugar” or “diabetes”.
So, upon finally looking at the discharge paperwork from hospital, almost two months after discharge, I noticed that it said Hemoglobin A1c test was done and that mine was a 5.9, fasting glucose tests were within ” 108-114″ and above normal. Again, called my primary care physician and was told to see an endocrinologist. So I did just that.
The result was borderline diabetic.
So now I am on a real mission. I know I have talked about losing weight and needing/wanting to but now it is an issue of my health. Plus being heavy like I am feeds into my depression, which is a matter of my health as well. I know I might get some grief about this because I am supposed to love my body the way I am or love myself for who I am. I don’t. I am not happy with anything about my body. I am not trying to say that losing weight or being thin is for everyone or even trying to push any type of body image or eating disorder. I need to be healthy, and my healthy weight according to my doctor is 135 pounds. So it will take some time to get there but slow and steady wins the race.
We are four months into the year and my resolutions have both been kept and broken. Here is where I stand now with them. My resolutions for 2012:
1. Blog More – Well you all know how this one has gone….basically it hasn’t gone well. I say all the time I would honestly like to blog more and then I don’t. I am the only one to blame for that. There is plenty I could blog about to fill up at least four to five of the seven days of the week if not all seven.
2. Be better to myself – this is another one I have broke and I am paying for it. I take weight off, I put it on, I take it off, I put it on. I get active, I get lazy. I feel good about myself, I fall into depression.
3. Priorities - I am going to blame this one partially for why blogging more has fallen off my list. I have been trying to spend more time with my family, and have been. I have not kept up on some of the other priorities on my list such as being good to myself and incorporating faith and God more into our lives.
4. Give Back More – I have done some volunteering but not as much as I would like to.
5. Make new friends and reconnect with old ones – Reconnecting with old friends just seems to keep happening and reoccurring constantly for me. I am reconnecting with people I haven’t seen or spoken to in years and it feels good. Now to work on the making new friends part.
6. Take a family trip/vacation – I am working out a family trip (plans, budget, saving) for a trip to Hawaii in the summer of 2013. I am hoping it will all work out so that I we can go, looks good for now.
7. Put myself on a budget and STICK TO IT!!! – Still saving and investing, still not on a budget!
8. Be more organized and efficient – This has not been an easy one for me. I have become more efficient and organized at work but not at home or in my own life.
9. Date Night – Still keeping with weekly (or as often as we possibly can) lunches with one friend. Have spent time out with my girls. Try to go out with my husband (just us) or go out as a family for dinner. Sometimes we go to dinner as a family then the boys go to one movie and the girls go to another.
I am tired.
Tired of …
…feeling overweight.
…being overweight.
…feeling unhealthy.
…being unhealthy.
…not being able to buy a piece of clothing I want because it doesn’t come in my “size”.
…having to get the next size up so it will fit.
…having clothes I cannot wear.
…being depressed over my weight.
…seeing the numbers 180, 190 and 200.
And I am the ONLY one who can DO something ABOUT it!
So I am, cause as I said…..I am tired of it all.
And I am not calling myself ‘fat’ but I AM overweight. I AM unhealthy. I AM uncomfortable. I AM unhappy with my body. There is no getting use it or loving myself. I can’t do so when I know that the weight I am at is unhealthy for me.
Fat Tuesday is today……so I celebrated. Last time in a long time I am going to eat like I did today. I am going to do a junk food challenge for 21 days. A fast food challenge for 30 days. I have work outs planned, a work out buddy. Going to try Body by Vi shakes. I am going to change what we eat (because I know how to), be more active (because I should) and make a life change not only for me but for my whole family cause we could all use the healthy side of this.
I’ve talked about it too much, now is the time for action. I am going to track my progress on my blog (pictures and all).
So, Kelli, let’s do this!
