On March 8, 2013; just 14 months after being diagnosed, my cousin, Brittany Joan Stephens-Kinney lost her fight to cancer. Although her life was only 24 short years, she lived it to the fullest. Brittany was a very vivacious, kind hearted, full spirited woman and she gave cancer a good hard run for its money. She lives on through her son, Gabe, who has the same vivacious, kind hearted full spirit.
We miss you and love you, Britt! You will forever be in our hearts.
RIP sweet angel
Two words: Adam. Levine.
Dear Alex,
Today you are ten.
It seems like such a big number.
Ten.
A whole decade.
Ten.
Double digits.
10.
You aren’t quite a man, but not quite a child.
Ten.
I never imagined ten years ago when I birthed you how different my world or the world in general would be. I found out I was pregnant with you just days before September 11th and so much has been changed because of that day. But so much more has been changed because you are in our lives.
In the ten years of your life we have lived in three states. You turned every age from birth to eight in the state of Texas, the age of nine was spent in the state of California, and now ten comes to you in the state of Florida.
You wrote a story about yourself in which you said you were born on February 1, 2002; a cryless baby in Houston, Texas. Well it was actually Katy, Texas but close enough. And as for cryless, well you hardly made a noise. You were always smiling and happy.
Always smiling.
Ten.
You are one of the brightest ten year olds I know, you are one of the brightest kids I know. Your wit and smarts and humor is what makes you so amazing and I hope that you never change. You have a charm about you that attracts everyone to you, even in a room full of 100 people.
I love you, dad loves you, your brother loves you, and your sister loves you. And yes, yet again; you have won the heart of the four-legged family member in our house as you have become “Yogi’s boy”.
Happy Tenth Birthday, Alexander William James
February 1, 2002
February 1, 2012
I cannot believe it has been twenty-two years since I last saw you.
Twenty-two years since we last spoke.
Twenty-two years since you left this world.
Twenty-two years without you.
I was ten years old.
I am now thirty-two years old.
Twenty-two years.
And it hasn’t gotten any easier.
And I wonder……
Are you proud of me?
Do you know how much I miss you?
Do you know how desperately I wish you knew my children?
Do you know that you were my best friend?
IN MEMORY OF VIVIEN M CHAPMAN NOVEMBER 3, 1912 TO JANUARY 31, 1990.
All pictures courtesy of my lovely niece Jennifer LaRue McBroom
This post should have been posted on the 24th of July which would have been my dad’s 87th birthday. This post, however, was on a USB key I have been taking to work so that if I do personal things at work I could put them on the drive to bring them home. I password protected that key so that if I left it at work or someone else got a hold of it they could not access the files on it. I forgot the password until the other day and then that password ended up being wrong as well. I finally remembered the correct password today….so here is the post that was supposed to be a letter to my daddy on his birthday. I miss him so much, may her rest in peace.
July 24, 2011
Dear Daddy,
Today is your birthday. You would be 87 years old today if you were still around. Hard to believe it has been almost twelve years since I lost you. I miss you more then you could ever imagine, or maybe you can. It is hard every day for me to see other people with their dads or complaining about their fathers, because I would give anything to have my daddy back and with me.
I suppose you know that I have three children now. Robert is fourteen now and starting high school. I know if you were still alive that would floor you as you were there when he was born. I am glad you got to see him but so wish you were here to see Alexander and Samantha. I think you would have gotten a huge kick out of Alex, he is quite the little boy. Very much into “military” and boy things. He is so smart. Samantha is sassy as can be. Mom says she is a lot like I was when I was her age. She is a beautiful little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes and I am sure she would be grandpa’s little girl if you were still here.
Some things have happened in my life that I wish I could have picked up the phone and called you or just had you there to turn to. Today is an anniversary of another major event in my life and I am sorry that event happened on your birthday. Maybe remembering it was your birthday contributed to what happened that day. I never meant to dishonor you.
Bill and I still keep in touch. We email on occasion and call (usually play phone tag with one another). We use to talk weekly, every Wednesday but that got harder when we made the move to California cause of time difference; and now with me working and Bill working our schedules don’t always match up. I don’ hear from John at all but then we never really were the “sibling” type where we? And Janet I think has pretty much ignored the fact that I am even here. Things have happened with her that I am not happy with and I tried but you can only try so much before you break because you just can’t put forth the effort when it isn’t returned.
We moved back to Sebring, and every day I have to remember that you aren’t here in the place I consider home for me to call or for the kids to see or to invite to dinner. I wish you knew Richard better but am glad the two of you had the opportunity to meet one another before you were gone. Mom and I have had our moments but I love her and I know she loves me. And I know she didn’t handle things correctly but Jack was not a bad guy and he cared about her, and me and the kids.
I wish all the time that I could just see you one more time. I didn’t expect you to be gone as soon as you were. I thought I had time to go back to Houston and make arrangements to come back with Robert. I thought you would come out of it and I could get you to come to Houston with me. I thought that maybe, just maybe I’d have you for a little while longer.
It is hard to lose your daddy at twenty. I know that is not what you intended and I accepted when I was about fourteen that I would not have you forever or as long as perhaps some of my friends would have their dads but I really thought I had more time than twenty years. And maybe it is selfish of me because I did have that time with you but I feel cheated as well because I wanted so much more.
Happy Birthday, daddy. I love you and I miss you. I hope you are proud of me; and I know you are watching over me.
Love your little girl,
Kelli
Kemah Boardwalk - Rich & I - 1999
Kids - Halloween - 2009 - Texas
Isa & Elaine - Christmas 2007 - Texas
Sammi & D - Sammi Birthday - April 2010 - California
Nic, Miss & I - #VegasBB - December 2009
Napoleon & Mei-Ling
Sitting in the chair next to me is a little girl I don’t quite recognize. I know it is my daughter but when did she get so big? When did she become so smart? When did she start looking like a child instead of the little baby I remember? She is five now, that milestone number where you aren’t a “little” kid anymore but your not quite a “big” kid either. Still little enough to order from kids menus, and get away with goofy kid things; but just big enough to start school and not be considered a toddler anymore.
That magic number five where your world starts to change because a lot is around the corner, and you are that much closer to ten. That simple number that reminds mommy and daddy that their baby has grown up and isn’t, well, a baby anymore.
For years she has asked about school, and riding buses; I laughed it off thinking, “That’s YEARS away”. Boy, those years went fast. Here it is April and in 5 months time you will be riding a bus, going to school. You will be in Kindergarten, and then asking about high school and driving cars and going on dates…..and I will laugh all that off and think, “That’s YEARS away” but in my heart I know it’s just around the corner.
Many people have come in and out of your life; many people will continue to come in and out of your life. Some for the good, some for the bad. Some will leave impressions that will last your whole life and help shape who and what you become; others will fade from your memory because they were just passing through. Remember to hold on to the ones that truly mean something to you.
And as I look at this little girl sitting next me there are so many things I wish and hope for: I wish my great grandmother knew her. I wish my daddy knew her. I hope I am a good mommy. I hope she is happy. I wish her to be happy. I wish for the best for her. I hope the world doesn’t let her down. And of course all those other “mommy” things like getting married and having children and being the princess she believes she is.
I don’t remember your brothers growing up so fast, sure they have grown up and are fourteen and nine; but I don’t remember it happening as fast as it seems to be happening with you. You were just born, yesterday it seems like; now we are celebrating your fifth birthday. How is that possible?
So here’s looking at you Samantha Carol; you are five years old now, and you are growing up way too damn fast on me so slow down a little, ok?
I love you,
Mommy
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Something I love about myself was kind of hard to come up with. There are things that I like about myself but don’t know if I would say I love them. I mean I like my legs, I like my feet, I like my personality (well most of the time).
So I had to search for something that I love about myself. I thought about asking someone else close to me, like my husband or my kids, but then that would be what someone else loved about me. But I asked anyways, because I like hearing good things about myself (I swear I’m not narcissist). My favorite was my 8 year saying, “I love everything about yourself, mommy” and then hugging me.
So something I love about myself would have to be my cooking. I will brag about my cooking. I am a good cook. I wasn’t when I first met my husband, I was a horrible cook and thought that making hamburger helper or Stouffer’s lasagna was “making dinner”. My husband being the genius he is started buying me cook books and I can’t thank him enough for that. I started cooking as much as I could; trying new recipes and new themes every chance I got. I still like to experiment with recipes and try new things. For example, meals for this week are:
Monday Night – Spaghetti – Salad – Cheesy Garlic Bread
Tuesday Night – Roasted Red Pepper, Corn & Crab Chowder – Crescent Rolls
Wednesday Night – General Tso’s Chicken – Fried Rice
Thursday Night – Herb Crusted Roast with Red Wine Sauce – Pan Seared Asparagus with garlic – Crescent Rolls
Friday Night – Stuffed Poblano Peppers
Saturday Breakfast – Pancetta/Asparagus Fritta
Saturday lunch – Frozen Pizza – Salad
Saturday Dinner – Irish Blue Cheese soup – Crescent Rolls
Sunday Breakfast – Cinnamon rolls
Sunday Lunch – Spring rolls
Sunday Dinner – Chicken and Asparagus Soup
Some time ago on my blog I had a page where I posted my dinners for the week. I would plan out a whole week, sometimes two weeks worth of meals. I could plan my grocery shopping and other tasks around what I was going to cook. Made life easy, for me at least.
You see I am not much of a planner. I fly by the seat of my pants on a lot of things. Sometimes not having a plan makes things more fun and spontaneous; sometimes it makes it more stressful. Which isn’t always helpful for me with my anxiety…because frankly I trip out.
I have found though when I do plan out dinners, shop with a list accordingly for those dinners and know how long I need to prepare/cook the meal planned; my days are less stressful.
Now that I have a crock pot again, making dinners has been extremely easy. If I know I am going to have a busy day; I can pop the meal into the pot and know it will be ready when dinner time rolls around. I didn’t realize how much I used my crock pot till I left it in Texas when I moved to California. My loving husband got me another crock pot for Christmas; and it was one of the best gifts ever….that and the Tassimo Coffee maker we got. In fact, most of the crock pot recipes are so easy; my eight year old and thirteen year old can help me with them.
I love to cook however, so I don’t mind spending hours in the kitchen when I have the time. And sometimes, I do…and let’s face it, sometimes I don’t. I love to try new recipes, and had a lot of fun when I did “themed” weeks with dinners. It was fun cooking recipes that included Mexican, Chinese, Thai and French.
Another thing I enjoy about cooking is all of us sitting down at the dinner table to eat together. I have heard so many people say they don’t eat with their husbands or kids. Or that everyone eats at different times, in different places, different rooms. Now perhaps this will change as my kids are getting older and each one of them gets involved in different activities or aspects of their own lives but for now I relish sitting at the table with my husband and three kids to enjoy a meal that I cooked.
And not to brag….okay, yes, I am bragging….I am a pretty good cook.
When I plan meals and have a set idea for what I am making; it helps our grocery bills to be lower as I know exactly what I need to get and am better able to stick to my list. We also eat out less when I cook because we have no reason to go out to eat…and frankly there are times that a home cook meals sounds (and tastes) better to me than going out to eat. On top of that, with five of us…going out to eat costs any where from $80 to $100 a pop.
Meals Planned for the week of January 9 – January 14:
Sunday 1-9 – Bacon Florentine Stuffed Chicken Breast with Basil Pesto Farfalle Pasta noodles
Monday 1-10 – Mu Shu Chicken & rice with cabbage (Crock pot recipe)
Tuesday 1-11 – Roasted Chicken, Scampi Noodles & Sauteed Spinach
Wednesday 1-12 – Baked Potato Soup (Crock pot recipe)
Thursday 1-13 – French Dip Sandwiches (Crock pot recipe)
Now Sammi and I left for Florida on Thursday (1-13) and will be gone a week so I am going to assume (and we know what that does) that my hubby will probably take himself and the boys out over the weekend because it will be easier for him/them than cooking. So with that said….
Friday 1-14 – Eat Out
Saturday 1-15 – Eat Out
Sunday 1-16 – Eat Out
I will be back from Florida on Wednesday and I have planned meals for the Monday and Tuesday in the crock pot because it will be easy for either my husband or Robert to throw into the crock pot before they leave for work and school in the morning and then it will be ready for them when they are home that night. The crock pot I have has a timer on it so you can set it to cook on high or low for X amount of time, and then it goes to a warming stage.
Monday 1-17 – Wonton Soup (Crock pot recipe)
Tuesday 1-18 – General Tso’s Chicken (Crock pot recipe)
I should be back in time Wednesday (1-19) to cook dinner (I say “should” because of the possibility of snow in the town I connect through), and then Thursday (1-20) and Friday (1-21) will be a hodge podge of what ever is left in the house that needs to be used up before grocery shopping again.
And for being a non-planner, I guess I should mention I have meals plan for the week after I get back (1-23 through 1-29) and a grocery list filled out. It just makes things sooooo much easier….does this mean I will be more of a planner for other aspects of my life; probably not, but at least I have one thing covered.
