30 Days of Truth – Day 3

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Something I have to forgive myself for is for hurting the people I love either with my actions or my words.   I have to own these actions and words as they are mine; even if some of them happened during episodes of my depression when I wasn’t medicated properly or when I was on an “episode” as they have been called.

Unfortunately, I have been quite ugly and mean when I have said and done some things, and it wasn’t always intentional; and unfortunately, sometimes it was.  There were times that I convinced myself of things that were not true but for whatever reason, I believed that they were even if the proof of them not being true was in front of my face.  There were also times that I was just so low on myself that nothing seemed right or perfect and it felt like it was easier to just give up.  I know now that is a coward’s way out.

But I have figured out that until I can fully accept these misfortunes that I have brought upon myself; and make amends with the people I have made them upon, I will never be able to forgive myself.  And believe me it is hard to accept these things because I know that I hurt people I love and care about.  That was something I never meant or wanted to do.

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