30 Days of Truth, Blogging, Blogging through Depression, Depression, Family, The Ones about Me, The Ones about Other people

30 Days of Truth – Day 4-5-6

Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

I need to forgive anyone I have hurt.  I know that might sound selfish, and in many ways perhaps it is but there is reasoning behind this.

You see when you hurt someone; whether it is done intentionally or not, whether it is done because of reason or none, whether it is done in sickness or in health, whether it is done when you are of full sanity or on the brink of insanity; there seems to be preconceived notions and misconcepted thoughts about you as a person.  These lead to people thinking or believe that you will continually be that way, do those things, say those things or act a certain way.  Even if it has happened only once, and you have apologized, the ever lingering feeling of, “you are going to do it again” is always there; and I need to understand why that is and forgive them of that feeling, because after all I am the one who placed it there.  The feeling of mistrust, of walking on eggshells, of tip-toeing around things because you are afraid of what might happen again can be strenuous.  I need to forgive people for feeling that way about me because it is not all their fault, it is mine for making them think, feel or believe that is the way I am or the only way I can be.

But you see this is hard for me to do because I wonder…if I was sick with say cancer or lupus or fibromyalgia…and I said or did things like I have with my depression that have hurt people; would the pain still be lingering?  Would they still be walking around me like I am fragile and might break at any moment?  Would relationships stay destroyed?  Would friendships still be ruined?

 

Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.

One of the biggest hopes I have in my life for right now is to go back to school and finish my education.  I had started on a track for the medical field.  Every time I tried to return to school; which has happened on three different occasions now; I have ended up pregnant….and well frankly that isn’t going to happen again so this is one hope, one wish that I know I can make a reality.  So within the next 3 months I will be returning to school, starting back on the medical track and with-in 15 months have a CNA license.

Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.

Something I hope that I never have to do is watch any of my three children have their hearts broken.  Unfortunately I know this is going to happen, probably with each one of them.

But, if I had to pick one particular thing I hope to never have to do it would be to see their hearts broken; because after having mine broken as bad as it has been, I hope that it never happens to them.

Advertisements

1 thought on “30 Days of Truth – Day 4-5-6”

  1. Hi Kel,

    Your 30 Days of Truth posts for days 4-5-6 is really one of the particular blog posts that I have found to be of beneficial substance to me as I relate with what you say in your Day 4 post and someone you have to forgive.

    I, too, have depression and have done things and said things while in the deepest part of my depression that has been awful and hurtful to many people in my life especially those closest to me such as my family, my friends, my fiance. I lost people because of my illness, and I was told to stop hiding behind it. Yet you speak truth…no one would say to you, “it’s cancer, get over it” and I am so glad to see there is awareness of this now unlike there was before because honestly those of us with mental illness are treated like our illness is fake or unworthy, and it’s not it is a real thing; or that we can just “get over it”.

    I look forward to more posts from you and will be reading back over some of your older posts, especially the ones about depression because you seem insightful to your disease and your treatment and recovery and I only wish you the best. I am glad to meet you…

    Thanks…,

    Joanna 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s