Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
I need to forgive anyone I have hurt. I know that might sound selfish, and in many ways perhaps it is but there is reasoning behind this.
You see when you hurt someone; whether it is done intentionally or not, whether it is done because of reason or none, whether it is done in sickness or in health, whether it is done when you are of full sanity or on the brink of insanity; there seems to be preconceived notions and misconcepted thoughts about you as a person. These lead to people thinking or believe that you will continually be that way, do those things, say those things or act a certain way. Even if it has happened only once, and you have apologized, the ever lingering feeling of, “you are going to do it again” is always there; and I need to understand why that is and forgive them of that feeling, because after all I am the one who placed it there. The feeling of mistrust, of walking on eggshells, of tip-toeing around things because you are afraid of what might happen again can be strenuous. I need to forgive people for feeling that way about me because it is not all their fault, it is mine for making them think, feel or believe that is the way I am or the only way I can be.
But you see this is hard for me to do because I wonder…if I was sick with say cancer or lupus or fibromyalgia…and I said or did things like I have with my depression that have hurt people; would the pain still be lingering? Would they still be walking around me like I am fragile and might break at any moment? Would relationships stay destroyed? Would friendships still be ruined?
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
One of the biggest hopes I have in my life for right now is to go back to school and finish my education. I had started on a track for the medical field. Every time I tried to return to school; which has happened on three different occasions now; I have ended up pregnant….and well frankly that isn’t going to happen again so this is one hope, one wish that I know I can make a reality. So within the next 3 months I will be returning to school, starting back on the medical track and with-in 15 months have a CNA license.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Something I hope that I never have to do is watch any of my three children have their hearts broken. Unfortunately I know this is going to happen, probably with each one of them.
But, if I had to pick one particular thing I hope to never have to do it would be to see their hearts broken; because after having mine broken as bad as it has been, I hope that it never happens to them.