Tumblr

Took a look at my Tumblr the other day. I completely forgot I had one. Actually a pretty nifty little spot. Plan is to remember it, not neglect it, and use it more…

But WOW! Looking back and some of my older posts from 2010 till now. It was dark. I was in a bad place a lot, and I don’t know why no one really noticed it. I can see now I was screaming for help and attention. This was deep today, and wrecked a lot of emotions.

Example of one: March 31, 2010 on Tumblr

Comment with above picture:

I really wish I would have caught on to this a lot earlier in life.  I spent too much of my life with people who I had to impress to keep them as friends or in my life.  And because of that I was unhappy.  I never felt good enough, pretty enough, happy enough, liked enough.  It was always like there could be or I could do more with them; and now I know it wasn’t me, it was them.  There was just no making them happy.  I have wonderful people in my life now, many of them were already there, it just took me opening my eyes to realize what I was missing.

Not sure who I was referring to there, but I can take a guess. And I don’t know how true that was or wasn’t then but I know it is true now. I do have wonderful people in my life now. And unlike before, they are people who make my happy and that I don’t have to impress to be my friend. I had too many of that type of persons in my life earlier on.

I also deleted a lot of nonsense that was on there, and I was apparently obsessed with Jackson Rathbone – I mean I get it but…

There is a lot of Selena Gomez and Glee on there as well. I was definitely in a different point of my life.

I edited some posts and brought them more current. Lots of old blog posts I deleted after an event in my life because I didn’t want to be reminded. So when you click the link they go no where.

Also, I thought the internet was forever so where are those posts I deleted? Are they floating out there somewhere? I may need to see if I can find them.

There was a blog topic for Thursday called Girl Talk Thursday – it was similar to Top Ten Tuesday and Wednesday Weekly Blog Challenge with weekly topics on Thursdays (obviously). It’s gone now, wonder what happened to it.

I had a “ritual” I was trying to use to help with overwhelming feelings and anxiety. Don’t really know if it was a ritual so to say but that was the word I used. But it sounds like good advice…

I have a ritual I am trying to stick to when the overwhelming feeling starts to feel like anxiety: I stop everything I am doing, look at it and ask myself what is going to matter in an hour.  Of everything I am doing, what cannot wait an hour to be done.  It helps A. LOT.