Late: Day 5 – Your Beliefs

This topic is quite touchy, for the very reason that my beliefs aren’t yours and therefore you might think or feel they are wrong. But the reason we all have different beliefs, likes and opinions is so that the world is different and not boring. So you can learn things and be introduced to new things.

My beliefs are very skewed to many people. There are certain things
beliefs I have that contradict each other, actually though I am quite
simple when it comes down to it.

I was raised Christian, going to church. I was raised by a republican
mother and a democrat father who tended to be more conservative than
he cared to admit. I was raised with a slight military essence to my
dad’s side of things as he was a military man for the majority of his
life. I, for along time, believed everything was black or white because
of this up bringing. Now in no way, shape or form am I saying I was
raised wrong or badly; I just realized there was a lot more to life
than cut and dry.

I think a lot of my views changed when I had my kids. Having kids seems
to do that to a lot of people. I would have told you that I was a Christian Conservative or Republican had you asked me before my kids or
around the time I had Robert (my oldest) in 1997. However, it seems
through the years I have become more Libertarian on issues.

I still consider myself Christian, however I am not big on religion. I
do not go to church, although I feel I should. I try to instill a faith
aspect to my parenting and daily life. Could I use more God? Probably.
Could my children use more God? Probably. Does that make me any less
of a person than anyone else? Not at all.

I often tell people on issues such as abortion, equal marriage, race, etc
the following:

I myself would not have an abortion, does that mean I have the right to
tell you you cannot, I absolutely do not think so. Your body, your choice.
But please don’t try to cram your stand on abortion down my throat, I know
how I feel and nothing you say or do is going to change that.

I don’t feel I have the right to tell you who you can or cannot love regardless
of their color, race, religion or sexual orientation. If you love a person you
should have the right to be with that person and married to that person. I
don’t need to know what goes on behind closed doors. Do you treat each other right and are you loving? Well then by all means, give it a crack like the rest of us. Again, don’t try to make believe what you believe on this issue.

I vaccinate my kids, you don’t. Does that make either of us right or wrong. Depends on what you believe about vaccines. Just because I chose to vaccinate does not make me a bad person or a bad parent. Just because you chose not to vaccinate does not make you a bad person or a bad parent. I have read the arguments of both sides, I made my choice and you made yours. I have seen both sides of the issue (personally) and I still chose to vaccinate, that is my choice. Please don’t try to cram your choice down my throat through.

I believe in God. I believe in faith. I believe in prayer. I am not a big fan of
religion. I have had issues with church that I probably need to get pass. You go to church, great. I do not, great. I live my life the way I feel is best for myself,
my family and my children. Does that make me right? Don’t know. Does that make me wrong? Don’t know. I will find out one day, but today is not that day. I read once the following statement and it is very true to how I feel: I’d rather live my life believing there is a God and die to find out there is not one than live my life believing there is not a God and die to find out there is.

My beliefs are mine, your beliefs are yours. Does having my beliefs make me right and you wrong? No. Does having your beliefs make you right and me wrong? No. So, why treat it that way. Why treat me different because I don’t believe what you do?

Oh, and please for Pete’s sake; stop generalizing all Republicans, all Conservatives, all Democrats, all Liberals, all Christians, all non-Christians, all pro this, all against that, all races, all religions into ONE general group. Just because I say I am a Conservative Christian does not mean I am like every other Conservative Christian. Just like if you are a Liberal does not mean you are like every other Liberal. Just because a certain politician or figure is where they are does not mean I voted for them just because they are whatever they may be. If I don’t agree with you and your beliefs I am not going to put you in a position that will allow you to enforce your beliefs on myself or others. There are things people in my “groups” do that I do not agree with or care to be associated with; just as I am sure the same goes for you. So, please don’t assume because I say I am something that I am a certain way or like another of the same.

We are different for a reason, doesn’t make one of us right and the other wrong, it just makes us different and that is not such a bad thing.

Day 3 – A Failure

This one is kind of hard to write. Not because I don’t have any failures because, I do. Because no one ever wants to admit a failure. Especially in a public format.

As I stated, I have had plenty of failure in my life. Is there one particular that stands out above another, not necessarily. I can think of many that were perhaps worse than another but none that stand out really.

Probably what I would consider a failure that I would change, and that I could change is not finishing college. Now, I need to make it clear that the reason I haven’t finished isn’t because I have failed college. I actually did quite well when I was going. But life has happened. Both times I have tried to return I have had to stop because I have become pregnant during my studies. After I had Alex in 2002, I went back to continue my courses and became pregnant with Sammi who was born in 2006. I just never went back after I had Sammi.

Now don’t get me wrong for one single second. I adore my children, and to me they are a much better achievement than a college degree. However; for my mom who would like me to have one, for my dad who I know wanted me to have one and most of all for myself I would like to have that degree.

Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it now that I am 35, then I hear of 90 year olds going back to school to get their degrees, and I think, “hell yeah it is!” It is just an achievement I would like to have regardless of when I achieve it.

It’s Time…

I haven’t posted or done anything with my blog since September 2014, and it wasn’t even really a post; it was pictures. My niece had visited from France in the summer and I was missing her that day, so I posted pictures from her visit. I keep saying that I am going to get better and blog regularly, then I don’t. I say these same things every time I decide to start blogging again, and then I just don’t. And then I blame myself and feel guilty for not blogging, which in return makes me not want to blog because it feels like a chore. I do enjoy it, that is the funny part. I feel better when I am writing and using my blog; even if it is for silly things. It is an avenue for me to get out feelings and make an expression. And honestly, I need that avenue.

I know a lot of why I don’t write is because I don’t feel I am a good writer. I don’t feel I have the caliber or charisma that some of the other bloggers I know have. Does that really matter though? This blog is supposed to be for me, not anyone else; and if you chose not to read it, there is nothing I can do about that. I am not looking for high volume and page rankings; if they happen, they happen. I am not going to turn them down if either comes my way.  Another reason I don’t write, I don’t feel I have topics or that the topics I do have are stupid or silly.  Again, does that matter if the blog is really for me? I know I chose to make it a public format, you the public can read if you want, think what you want.

So, to get myself started I found a 30 Day Challenge on another site. Some of the topics are a little cheesy but it will give me a starting point for my writing. Some of the topics will be simple answers and others will involve more depth. Bare with me while I try to get this going again. I plan to start this 30 Day Challenge on May 1st (I know May has 31 days, I will figure it out) and perhaps you want to join me. The challenge is as follows (I will post again prior to May 1st):

Day 1 – An Introduction

Day 2 – Where you’d like to be in 10 years

Day 3 – A Failure

Day 4 – Childhood Favorite(s)

Day 5 – Your Beliefs

Day 6 – 30 facts about yourself

Day 7 – Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits you

Day 8 – A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life

Day 9 – What you are reading or favorite book(s)

Day 10 – Discuss your first love

Day 11 – Put your music on shuffle and write the first 10 songs that pop up

Day 12 – reason behind your blog name

Day 13 – Somewhere you’d like to visit

Day 14 – Your earliest favorite memory

Day 15 – Blogs you follow

Day 16 – Your favorite music

Day 17 – Your highs of the past year

Day 18 – Your lows of the past year

Day 19 – Your parents

Day 20 – 10 likes & 10 dislikes

Day 21 – Your favorite show(s)

Day 22 – Have you changed in the past year?

Day 23 – Top 5 famous guys & Top 5 famous girls

Day 24 – Favorite Quote(s)

Day 25 – Your favorite movie(s)

Day 26 – Bucket List

Day 27 – A current problem

Day 28 – Something & Someone that you miss

Day 29 – Things you can’t live without

Day 30 – Your Goals

Tuesday Truths – Weight

Has something ever scared you so bad that even with all the fear and knowledge that you have to overcome that moment you still are in a sense of shock?

Has something ever been so clear and obvious to you that you knew it was the truth even with out being told but still were overwhelmed when that one thing was brought straight forward to your attention?

Has something ever been so “in your face” that even though there was no denying it, you still did?

I am guilty of all of the above.  I knew my weight was an issue. I knew my weight was unhealthy. I knew it was there, hell it is all of me. Yet even with me saying I knew these things, and knew changes needed to be made; I denied it to myself when it came down to actually doing something.

Sure, I changed the way I was eating….sort of.  Sure, I was going to the gym….sort of. Sure, I was walking the dog, having “dance parties” in the living room with my kids, walking during work, dancing in the car…sort of.

It all tumbled down and smacked me in the face when I was going through paperwork from when I was in the hospital in February for dizziness and passing out. I went through every test imaginable, saw every type of doctor I think they could send my way, spent five days in the hospital, final diagnosis: Meniere’s disease (which runs in my family).  Not so bad, it is manageable and treatable.  Not one single time did anyone say to me the words “blood sugar” or “diabetes”.  Not one single time was it an issue at all.  Neuro or Cardio perhaps, but all of those tests came back “normal”, “negative”, “with in range”.

Now as stupid as this may sound, it never dawned on me to look at the papers they gave me from the hospital at the time of check out. I did my due diligence, called my primary physician to tell them I had been in the hospital. Spoke to him and he stated since the paperwork they received mentioned the possibility of the Meniere’s disease, he didn’t need to see me and to proceed to an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist since Meniere’s is an inner ear thing. Never once did he say to me “blood sugar” or “diabetes”.

So, upon finally looking at the discharge paperwork from hospital, almost two months after discharge, I noticed that it said Hemoglobin A1c test was done and that mine was a 5.9, fasting glucose tests were within ” 108-114″ and above normal. Again, called my primary care physician and was told to see an endocrinologist. So I did just that.

The result was borderline diabetic.

So now I am on a real mission. I know I have talked about losing weight and needing/wanting to but now it is an issue of my health. Plus being heavy like I am feeds into my depression, which is a matter of my health as well.  I know I might get some grief about this because I am supposed to love my body the way I am or love myself for who I am. I don’t. I am not happy with anything about my body. I am not trying to say that losing weight or being thin is for everyone or even trying to push any type of body image or eating disorder. I need to be healthy, and my healthy weight according to my doctor is 135 pounds. So it will take some time to get there but slow and steady wins the race.

Tuesday Truths – Resolutions

We are four months into the year and my resolutions have both been kept and broken.  Here is where I stand now with them. My resolutions for 2012:

1.  Blog More – Well you all know how this one has gone….basically it hasn’t gone well. I say all the time I would honestly like to blog more and then I don’t. I am the only one to blame for that. There is plenty I could blog about to fill up at least four to five of the seven days of the week if not all seven.

2. Be better to myself – this is another one I have broke and I am paying for it. I take weight off, I put it on, I take it off, I put it on. I get active, I get lazy. I feel good about myself, I fall into depression.

3. Priorities – I am going to blame this one partially for why blogging more has fallen off my list. I have been trying to spend more time with my family, and have been. I have not kept up on some of the other priorities on my list such as being good to myself and incorporating faith and God more into our lives.

4. Give Back More – I have done some volunteering but not as much as I would like to.

5. Make new friends and reconnect with old ones – Reconnecting with old friends just seems to keep happening and reoccurring constantly for me. I am reconnecting with people I haven’t seen or spoken to in years and it feels good. Now to work on the making new friends part.

6. Take a family trip/vacation – I am working out a family trip (plans, budget, saving) for a trip to Hawaii in the summer of 2013. I am hoping it will all work out so that I we can go, looks good for now.

7. Put myself on a budget and STICK TO IT!!! – Still saving and investing, still not on a budget!

8. Be more organized and efficient – This has not been an easy one for me. I have become more efficient and organized at work but not at home or in my own life.

9. Date Night – Still keeping with weekly (or as often as we possibly can) lunches with one friend. Have spent time out with my girls. Try to go out with my husband (just us) or go out as a family for dinner. Sometimes we go to dinner as a family then the boys go to one movie and the girls go to another.

Aside

Tuesday Truths – Tired

Tired

I am tired.

Tired of …

…feeling overweight.

…being overweight.

…feeling unhealthy.

…being unhealthy.

…not being able to buy a piece of clothing I want because it doesn’t come in my “size”.

…having to get the next size up so it will fit.

…having clothes I cannot wear.

…being depressed over my weight.

…seeing the numbers 180, 190 and 200.

And I am the ONLY one who can DO something ABOUT it!

So I am, cause as I said…..I am tired of it all.

And I am not calling myself ‘fat’ but I AM overweight. I AM unhealthy. I AM uncomfortable. I AM unhappy with my body. There is no getting use it or loving myself. I can’t do so when I know that the weight I am at is unhealthy for me.

 

Fat Tuesday is today……so I celebrated. Last time in a long time I am going to eat like I did today. I am going to do a junk food challenge for 21 days. A fast food challenge for 30 days. I have work outs planned, a work out buddy. Going to try Body by Vi shakes. I am going to change what we eat (because I know how to), be more active (because I should) and make a life change not only for me but for my whole family cause we could all use the healthy side of this.

I’ve talked about it too much, now is the time for action. I am going to track my progress on my blog (pictures and all).

So, Kelli, let’s do this!

Tuesday Truths – Following Up On Resolutions

My resolutions for 2012:

1.  Blog More – this is one I say I am going to do all the time and then fall behind on it. This year I would honestly like to blog more and want to make an active effort to do so. I enjoy blogging even if I don’t do it that well. – Well, let’s see…..I certainly have not stuck to this one. I honestly do want to blog more and would like to make the effort to do so.  But I know I can say that and until I do it is nothing but words.  Maybe I am still afraid of what people will think of what I write and I need to just stop that.  

2. Be better to myself – how I feel, the way I eat, how much I exercise, taking care of myself, making an effort in my apperience (nails, clothes, hair). – I have made a small effort at this one.  I did change my eating habits for a while but fell back into eating junk cause it’s just easier and let’s face it, it does taste good. This needs to be an effort that I put more into because if I don’t my health will pay for it.

3. Priorities – Get my priorities in order: God, Family, Myself, my friends, etc. – I can honestly say that I have done the most with this resolution, aside from taking better care of myself. I am making an effort to spend more time with my friends and family, and enjoy myself while doing so. I am not dealing with people’s drama, and instead avoiding people who bring drama into my life. I have a great family, a great set of friends who are like family and I have God in my life.

4. Give Back More – Volunteering, donating – I have not done anything on this resolution.

5. Make new friends and reconnect with old ones – Being back in Sebring has helped me to reconnect with my old friends and through them I have met some fantastic new people. I have also reconnected with a great group of girls that I love even though we are all in different parts of the U.S., I feel like they are my soul at times.

6. Take a family trip/vacation – A trip with Richard, the kids and myself to Hawaii? NY? Texas? California? – This might not happen till next year because of saving money to do so; however we are spending more time together as a family. 

7. Put myself on a budget and STICK TO IT!!! – Set a weekly/monthly budget for myself to stick to, invest more and prepare for the future. – I am actively putting money away for retirement, however I have not put myself on a budget yet so I have yet to stick to anything. 

8. Be more organized and efficient – in my life, at work, at home – The procrastinator in me will not allow this to happen for what ever reason and it is both sad and sickening. I need to be more organized, my stress would be so much less if I was.

9. Date Night – make regular “Date Nights” with my hubby and my girls, even if only once a month. – This is probably one of the only resolutions I have done anything with. My hubby and I have taken time to go out together. I have a friend who we try to do lunch every week. Now I just need to get a girls night together with my girls here in town and this resolution will be almost perfect.