Day 3 – A Failure

This one is kind of hard to write. Not because I don’t have any failures because, I do. Because no one ever wants to admit a failure. Especially in a public format.

As I stated, I have had plenty of failure in my life. Is there one particular that stands out above another, not necessarily. I can think of many that were perhaps worse than another but none that stand out really.

Probably what I would consider a failure that I would change, and that I could change is not finishing college. Now, I need to make it clear that the reason I haven’t finished isn’t because I have failed college. I actually did quite well when I was going. But life has happened. Both times I have tried to return I have had to stop because I have become pregnant during my studies. After I had Alex in 2002, I went back to continue my courses and became pregnant with Sammi who was born in 2006. I just never went back after I had Sammi.

Now don’t get me wrong for one single second. I adore my children, and to me they are a much better achievement than a college degree. However; for my mom who would like me to have one, for my dad who I know wanted me to have one and most of all for myself I would like to have that degree.

Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it now that I am 35, then I hear of 90 year olds going back to school to get their degrees, and I think, “hell yeah it is!” It is just an achievement I would like to have regardless of when I achieve it.

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30 Days of Turth

I know a lot of bloggers have already done the 30 Days Of Truth project, and I am a little late to jump on the wagon, however I am going to start on Monday, January 24th.  Some of the topics scared me and I think that is why I avoided this project.

I take longer to process things then I should, or I over process them.  A lot of this is my anxiety and depression.  A lot of this is just…well…me.  So after a lot of deliberation with myself; I have decided that it might be a good experience for me.

I have thoroughly enjoyed reading the truths of some of the other bloggers wrote about.  Some of them were real eye openers for me.  The truths are just that, truths and it allows you to see a side of people that is really intimate….a vulnerable spot for a lot of people.

A vulnerable spot for me.

The Truths:

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

If you would like more information on the 30 Days of Truth project, you can find it here: {http://www.courtneykirkland.com/2010/10/30-days-of-truth.html}.